


Everything or Nothing

by SirSigil



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: F/F, Fantasy, Mystery, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2020-11-24 09:35:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20905487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirSigil/pseuds/SirSigil
Summary: In another life, Marian Hawke has everything her heart desired. Pockets full of gold, immense and unrivalled power, her family by her side, love. She has everything. And yet she also has nothing. (FemHawke / Desire Demon)





	1. Everything or Nothing

**Everything or Nothing**

Marian woke with a start, her skin covered in a thin veneer of cold sweat. She sat up quickly, panting hard. The sense of panic she felt ebbed away as she realised she wasn’t in danger. Some terrible dream must have shocked her awake, already it had faded into indistinct shapes she couldn’t grasp. She wiped her eyes vigorously then gazed about.

She was lying in bed, the fine trappings of wealth and comfort all around her, yet simple, not so ostentatious as to be garish.

Once her breathing had relaxed to a more natural pace, she swung her legs out from under the sheets and stood gingerly. The gentle calls of birds in the distance drifted in through the open window. She couldn’t place the horizon that greeted her through the paned glass.

She had a distinct feeling that she was forgetting something, something important. It was just beyond the edges of her mind, nipping away.

Marian shook it off as nothing but the remnants of bad dream and paced over towards a dresser, gazing at her reflection in the nearby mirror. Her hair was a mess of black spikes and she tried to wrangle it into submission for a few minutes before making do and getting changed. She opted for something light and comfortable, a simple shirt and trousers. Now that was done she- she wasn’t sure.

_I really haven’t woken up yet_. Marian thought to herself as she rubbed at tired eyes.

The soft click and creak of a door unlocking and swinging open made Marian spin around. An elven woman padded through the door, platinum blond waves trailed down aside her temples, eyes a shade of emerald green only feasible in elves. A delicate cream nightgown clung to her hourglass figure, though not immodestly. A warm yet delicate smile took hold of her face as she saw the human.

“Marian!” The elf smiled wide and warm and ran up to throw two lithe arms around the human’s neck. She leaned in and kissed Marian full on the lips. The human’s eyes widened at the contact.

“I … who are you?” Marian managed out with a nervous stutter when the elf relinquished her passionate embrace.

The blonde raised an eyebrow and a coy smile. “How long have you been asleep, dear? It’s me, Valora, remember?”

“Va- of course.” Marian let out a nervous breath with a chuckle. It all came flooding back to her now. “Sorry I just, I think I had some kind of nightmare.”

Marian rubbed her head with a furrowed brow. She must really be losing it.

“Poor thing.” Valora teased, poking the human in the forehead with a smile. “It’s all that adventuring you do. Maker knows you’d sleep easier if you weren’t always off in some dark dungeon somewhere, risking your life.”

The warrior’s eyes flickered for a moment.

“It’s my job, Valora.” Marian put her arms around the elf’s waist, pulling her in close with a cocky smirk. “Besides, you’d think less of me if I wasn’t such a hero.”

“I could never think less of you.” Valora leaned her head on Marian’s shoulder with a relaxed murmur, a delicate hand over the human’s heart. Marian hugged the elf woman protectively, inhaling the shorter woman’s scent with a contented smile. “I just wish you wouldn’t put yourself at risk so much. I worry about you.”

“You don’t need to worry about me.” Marian pressed a soft kiss to Valora’s head, earning her a warm smile. “I can look after myself, and I’ve got my friends with me. You know I don’t put myself in harms away alone.”

The human’s brow furrowed.

“That reminds me.” Valora pulled her head back to look up at Marian with those sparkling eyes. “We received a letter this morning, your sister is on her way to visit. She can’t wait to see you!”

“Bethany?”

“Yes, it’s been ages since she’s been to visit. I’m sure you’re still worried about her, but you don’t need to be.” Valora’s eyes were soothing. “You know she doesn’t have to worry about the Templars anymore. She’s perfectly safe.”

“Safe?” Marian’s voice barely a whisper.

Valora gazed at the human’s distant expression with quizzical eyes. “Yes, she’s quite safe, she can look after herself you know. You’ll see her soon.” A delicate hand reached up to Marian’s forehead. “Are you sure you’re alright dear? You don’t seem well at all.”

“She warned me about your kind.” Marian turned her hard gaze back to Valora. The elf said nothing but stood there confused. “None of this is real. _You’re_ not real.”

“What are you talking about? Mari, how could you say something like-” The elf shook her head quickly then grabbed Marian’s hand, putting it to her chest. “Do you feel that?” – A strong, if elevated heartbeat – “This is real. I’m real.”

Marian pushed away from the elf. She threw her gaze about frantically.

“This place, these clothes, everything, it’s just a trap! I need to leave!”

“No! Mari, please! Just talk to me. What’s wrong?”

Valora tried to reach forward and hold the warrior once more, to calm her from whatever terrible malice had taken hold, but Marian backed away.

“_Demon_.” Setting her jaw, Marian cast an accusing finger.

Valora stopped. Her expression fell from pain to something Marian couldn’t read. Then, in a heartbeat, in a blink, everything fell around them. The warm bedroom disappeared into the ether. In its place, a hazed space of distorted shapes and nothingness surrounded them. Marian found herself back in her armour. The comforting familiarity of the plate metal bolstered her resolve.

Valora was nowhere to be seen, in her place stood a woman of purple skin. Two twirling horns crowned her head, a plume of purple fire stood in place of hair, eyes a black that was somehow impossible. Its gaze was cast down to the floor.

“I could make you happy.” ‘Valora’ murmured softly, its voice still that of the elf, but distorted, like an echo at the far end of a cavern. “I could give you everything you ever wanted. Gold, sex, power, it’s all yours.”

It looked up into Marian’s eyes, there was a pleading on the demon’s face that made Marian’s chest clench.

“All I ask- all I want, is you.”

“It’s never that simple.” Marian shook her head, keeping her voice steady. Her fingers twitched for the sword that had materialised at her back. A nervous bead of sweat trickled down her spine.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” ‘Valora’ sighed, its expression despondent. It pulled up its arms and hugged itself as though cold, maybe it was comforting itself. “I’m sorry for deceiving you. I- I just wanted to make you happy.”

“Yeah? At what price?” Marian spat, wanting nothing more than to turn and run, but unwilling to tear her eyes away from the demon, lest it pounce.

“Well … you would stay here, with me.”

The demon gestured to the Fade around them. As she did, the landscape beneath their feet shifted into a valley, with beautiful wildflowers and majestic mountains beyond. A few birds filled the sky with their harmonious song. A charming log cabin stood by a calm stream. It was isolated, serene and beautiful.

“Tell me. Is that so terrible a price?”

“I won’t listen to you, demon.” Marian reached back for her sword, wondering just how much damage she could do with it. In this realm, demons were king, mortals were the outsiders.

Another sigh from the demon, this one dejected, its expression was warped by pain and it swallowed thickly.

“I’m sorry. I wish … I just thought I could make you happy.”

Marian couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt at seeing the demon hurt.

“Look, just tell me how to leave and I’ll go.” Marian kept her voice low, frightened any sudden movement or noise would antagonise the demon. She gripped her sword tight, muscles tense for a fight. ‘Valora’ merely raised her arm and pointed behind the human. Marian didn’t dare turn until-

“_Marian! Sister!_”

“Bethany?”

The warrior turned despite every instinct telling her not to take her eyes off the demon. A blank door of pure white stood behind her, shimmering like a mill pond. A cold seemed to grow from the door like a bitter breeze. Distant sounds emanated from beyond, sounds so familiar.

“_Shit, Hawke._” It was Varric. “_Come on, get up! Don’t let me down now_.”

“_It’ll be ok, Beth._” Isabela was there too. “_She’ll be alright, she’s too damn stubborn to die_.”

Bethany was screaming, sobbing for her big sister to wake up.

Two gentle hands and a warm presence swept over Marian from behind. She tensed but no attack came, the demon’s contact was gentle and soothing.

“If you go back, you will be in so much pain.” ‘Valora’s’ voice was quiet. “I’ve glimpsed what your future holds. You will suffer so, so much, you already have.”

Marian felt the demon’s head press against her back as purple arms wrapped around her torso.

“Don’t go, please. Stay with me and you’ll never suffer again.”

Marian’s breath was a series of heavy pants. She stared into the white abyss, its starkness a cold, unforgiving brutality of a cruel world. At her back, the warm, inviting presence of a demon and all the promises it offered.

“I can give you peace, happiness, love, complete and unconditional. You’ve earned that much at least.”

A hand guided Marian’s head to gaze into eyes of darkest pitch. Somehow they were so warm and gentle, so enticing, so loving.

“Everything you could ever want, no shame, no guilt, no limits. I’ll give you everything. Just stay with me, _please_.”

Those black eyes were pleading, lonely and desperate.

“They’re my friends, my family!”

Yet Marian couldn’t drag her gaze away.

“I can bring them here!” An earnest smile. “They’ll never leave your side again.”

‘Valora’ turned her head. Marian instinctively followed her gaze.

Four figures stood a short way in the distance. Bethany’s desperate screams at her back still nipped on the edges of Marian’s consciousness. Yet there she was, her sister stood before her with that bright smile that told Marian everything was ok. Mother was there too, her kind reassuring face just as she remembered. Carver, his ever sullen expression, arms folded in a surly stance. Father, his warm smile was comforting even now, after all this time. Marian slammed her eyes shut, hot tears threatening to break free. When she opened them again, the figures were gone.

The demon was gazing up at her, expression tentatively awaiting a response, almost fearful of what that response might hold. She looked so sweet and serene. This was like nothing Father and Bethany had warned her of.

“They’re not real. Not real.” Marian shook her head, voice thick with unwept tears.

“Are your memories not real?” ‘Valora’ soothed with voice and presence. “They really happened. They are still with you and always will be. You know them as well as you know how to live, how to breathe. I see them clearly now, they are beautiful … Please don’t cry.” She pleaded tenderly, wiping a slender finger over wet eyes. “I don’t want you to hurt. I’m sorry.”

“What- what are you?”

“I told you, I am Valora.” Valora lips twitched in a sweet smile. “Your kind knows me by other names. Demon they call me, Spirit or Desire. But what does that matter?”

“You are a _demon_.”

Valora cocked her head to the side. “Perhaps, if that’s how you wish to think of me. Whatever I am, it is just a name, words really, meaningless. What matters, is that I am here, and so are you.”

The scene around them changed again. A glorious orange sunset hung over a calm beach, waters shimmering deliciously against golden sands. Purple and pink coloured lanterns hung along the beach and at the water’s edge, illuminating them both in a dusky haze. It was so beautiful, so romantic.

Valora leaned her head against Marian’s chest again. The human’s arms instinctively curled around her protectively once more.

“Tell me, does this not feel real? Does it not feel right?”

“I …”

“Stay with me.” Valora breathed her plea through a contented smile. “Just … hold me, like this.” Dark eyes half closed in a peaceful expression.

“I have to go back.” Marian bit down hard on her lip upon saying that.

Valora’s eyes fluttered open. There wasn’t anger or malice there, only pain. Pitch black orbs searched Marian’s intensely, still pleading without saying a word. Finally they relented.

“I understand.”

Her gaze fell and with it the beautiful world she’d built just for the two of them. Cold slowly crept upon Marian and she felt a pang of regret.

“I’m truly sorry.”

She reached up gingerly, biting her lip with a hurt expression. She laid her lips over Marian’s, then everything faded away.

xxx

Marian woke with a start. Her breathing fast and uneven. She tried to sit up, but a body crashed into hers and crushed her in a desperate embrace. The figure pulled back before Marian could register it, then she was hit sharply across the face.

“You idiot!” Bethany’s tears flowed with her wrath. “Don’t you dare scare me like that ever again!” She grabbed her older sister into another embrace as she wept.

“Whew, you nearly had us worried there for a moment, Hawke.” Varric’s chuckle drew Marian’s attention. The dwarf stood to her side, Isabela was there too, the rogues wearing identical expressions of relief. “How did you get into trouble this time?”

“I- I’m not sure.” Marian managed to get out as Bethany attempted to crush the life from her once more. She put an arm on the mage’s back, trying to comfort her.

The warrior gazed about her surroundings, they were stood, crouched and laying in a cavern, or a mine or some such place.

“What- what happened?”

“We were hoping you would tell us.” Isabela sighed with a shake of her head. “One moment we were having a pretty routine fight. The next, you’re flat on your back, dead to the world. Left us to do all your damn dirty work.” She finished with a smirk.

Marian rubbed at her face trying to remember. There was a fight. It was slowly coming back to her.

“I think … there was a mage or, or something. They must have hit me with some kind of spell or … I don’t know.”

“Hmm, never heard of a spell that can knock you out cold like that. Though what do I know, I am a dwarf after all.” Varric rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “You really were dead Hawke, no pulse, no breathing, nothing.”

Bethany managed to calm her tears a bit and pulled away, rubbing her red eyes.

“Whatever it was, just- just don’t do anything like that again.” She scowled fiercely.

“I won’t, I’m sorry Beth.” Marian pulled her sister close, hugging her protectively. In a flash, an image of a woman in purple skin flew to mind. She banished the thought quickly.

Soon enough, Marian got back to her feet and the party carried on their way. Bethany kept a close eye on her troublesome sister at all times. They completed their mission and returned to Kirkwall for well-earned coin and rest, all without another hitch.

That night when Marian slept on her shoddy cot in Gamlen’s home in the heart of Lowtown, she dreamed of a lonely smile and pitch black eyes.


	2. Dancing with the Demon

**Dancing with the Demon**

Marian’s eyes opened slowly, her brow furrowed, the last thing she remembered was going to bed in Gamlen’s house. Now, she stood in a land of shadows, the Fade. She swallowed thickly, the wet clicking sound deep in her throat seemed to echo all around her. _How had this happened?_ Gazing about, the warrior saw nothing that she recognised, and yet everything was familiar. She dared to step forward. Nothing flew at her or took her head off.

“Hello?” Maybe it was foolish to call out, but Marian was curious. “Is anyone there?”

No answer.

Marian risked venturing further, keeping her eyes alert for movement. She walked forward, she supposed that was all she could do. It was that or stand in one spot and wait for … something. The indiscernible shapes and shadows that surrounded her shifted and shimmered about, but as she probed deeper into the Fade, she felt that the landscape was becoming clearer, more distinct and more defined. Soon, she felt that she was walking on stone, marble pillars grew into existence, moss and flowers grew between the cracks. A ruin was assembling itself around her, as if it had stood there a millennia or more. Marian wished she knew what that meant, if anything. ‘The Fade is built on ideas’ Beth had said. What did an ancient ruin signify? She explored the ruins for answers. It seemed to be a castle or palace of some design Marian had never seen before. No human, elf or dwarf had ever worked this stone.

A quiet, yet sharp sound pierced the silence. Marian whipped her head around, sword already in hand. A stone pebble came to rest at the foot of a spiral staircase. After a moment’s hesitation, a familiar face poked out from behind the central pillar, purple and delicate.

Marian didn’t lower her sword. She pointed the tip at the being. “Come out!”

The figure slowly emerged from behind the pillar, exactly as Marian remembered. The lithe figure of a Desire demon cautiously padded out towards the human. Its hesitant behaviour, the way it flicked its gaze about, never quite meeting Marian’s eyes, it all flew in the face of what Marian knew of demons.

“Stop.” Marian barked when the demon got within five paces.

The purple being stood there still, one hand rubbing its fingers together in what looked to be an anxious mannerism.

“Who are you?” Marian demanded in a low voice.

“I’m … I am Valora.” A slip of a small smile.

“No. You know what I mean. Who are you? _What_ are you?”

Purple lips opened and closed several times wordlessly. “I- I don’t know how to answer.”

“Are you a Desire demon?”

“Your kind call me that, some-”

“I don’t care what my kind _think_.” Marian stepped towards the demon, she held her ground at the warrior’s approach. “I want an honest answer, that’s what I _desire_. What are you, really?”

She lowered her gaze for a few long moments, as if gauging how to answer. “I am … Desire. I am Valora. I am … what I am. I don’t know how to term it any other way. I know of others called Desire, they would seek to take you for themselves, if they knew you were here.”

“And you don’t?”

“No. I … just want to make you happy.”

“Why?”

“I am … drawn to you. I’ve seen your memories, glimpsed your future. You’ve done so much, will do so much more, but you will suffer. You will suffer pain no one deserves, least of all you. And I fear it will all be for naught.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I can’t be sure, but I have felt danger in your future, hurt and _fear_.” The demon shivered and drew her arms close to her chest. “Fear the like of which I’ve never felt before.”

Marian lowered her sword slowly, despite the logical part of her brain screaming at her not to. She could feel no threat from this being. She sighed wearily. “If what you say is true, why would you even care whether I suffer or not?”

‘Valora’ stepped forward softly, resolve filling her black eyes for the first time. “Because I see the good in you. You save, you help, you protect. You use what power you have to aid those without.”

“You don’t know me.”

“I know your memories. I can see your worth through them.”

Marian scrunched up her eyes as she struggled to process this. “What do you mean, ‘you see’ things in me? How can you know that, do you read my memories? Are you reading my mind right now?”

“That is just our nature.” She gestured to the Fade beyond the ruins. “This place is built on thought, it seeks design through it. I did not build this keep, you did.”

“How? Why?”

“How? It is just so. Why? I cannot say.”

“Right …” Marian felt she had less understanding than when she started. “So, what do you really want from me?”

“I told you, I just want to-”

“To make me _happy_. Right, right, so you said.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what else I can say.” ‘Valora’ appeared remorseful at irritating the human.

Marian had no idea what to make of this. It could be some elaborate scheme to trap her in the demon’s clutches for eternity. Surely it had to be. Yet every fibre of her being told her that this purple being was no threat to her, that she was truly sincere in her pleas.

“Why did you return?” ‘Valora’ suddenly asked, quietly curious.

Marian fixed the purple woman with a scowl. “What do you mean? I didn’t choose to come!” Suddenly angered, Marian threw caution to the wind and pushed the demon back, pinning her up against the stone wall. For her part, ‘Valora’ merely allowed the human to hold her there, her expression unchanging. “You brought me here! Last thing I remember was falling asleep, then- then here I am! Stuck in the Fade, again!”

“I did not bring you.” ‘Valora’ narrowed her eyes as if affronted by the accusation, more so than the invasion of her space. “You walked here on your own. You said that you could not stay when last you were here. I respected that. I did not seek you out.”

Marian didn’t know what to make of that. Was she telling the truth? Or was this just some part of the lie? She glanced down at the position the human and demon were in. It would almost be suggestive if they were stood in a tavern or a bedroom.

“It’s alright.” The demon soothed, gently laying a hand upon Marian’s cheek. “There’s no need to be ashamed.”

Marian pushed back and swiftly stepped away from ‘Valora’. That ability the demon had to read her mind and feelings, it was unnerving. It made her feel naked.

“I’m sorry. I do not mean to upset you.”

“Please stop doing that.” Marian sighed. “How can you expect me to trust a word you say? You’re a _demon_.”

“I did not bring you here against your will.” ‘Valora’ insisted.

“Well, I’m not a mage, I can’t enter the Fade at will.” Marian spat back.

“But you do.” ‘Valora’ murmured, smiling warmly. “Every time you fall asleep, you come here. Just like most mortals.”

“Not like this.” Marian shook her head.

“No, not like this.” ‘Valora’ agreed. “This is rare. You are not a dreamer.”

“What? What are you …” Marian trailed off. She just couldn’t get her head around it all. “Am I going mad?” She chuckled to herself, rubbing at her face roughly.

‘Valora’ approached slowly, her hand outstretched for the human. When purple skin met Marian’s arm, the human jerked back, swinging her sword up in surprise. It sliced through purple skin like paper. ‘Valora’ gave no cry or yelp of pain. A black line of whispering shadows shot up her torso from hip to shoulder where the blade had struck.

Alarmed, Marian opened her mouth to say … something. Was it an apology or a reprimand that wanted to break free from her lips?

“I’m sorry this causes you pain.” ‘Valora’ murmured softly, her impossibly black eyes still soft and serene. She did not seem to even notice the cut that would have felled most men.

“How?” Marian asked, wide eyed. She gestured urgently at the wound with her free hand, unable to say anymore.

‘Valora’s’ eyes fell to her wounded body. Without a word, she put a purple hand over the bottom edge of the cut and moved her arm up. The black line disappeared somewhere behind the hand, with no scar or sign that is was ever there to begin with.

“I am fine. Do not worry for me.”

Marian opened her mouth to say ‘I wasn’t’, yet she suspected that it would be a lie. She expected the ‘demon’ knew that too.

“Just- Just let me go. Show me how to get out of here.” Marian growled. She feared that the longer she stayed, the less likely she would be able to leave.

“I can’t.” ‘Valora’ stated matter-of-factly. “You came here on your own.”

“Don’t toy with me!” Marian snarled, levelling her sword with a purple chest. “You did so before, do it again! That door. That door of white that led me back last time. Summon it!”

“I can’t.” ‘Valora’ repeated, unafraid and unmoving despite the blade hovering before her heart. “I cannot shape this place. This is yours.”

“What are you talking about?”

“This is not my domain, my … home, if you will. I have no control over this area of the Fade.”

“Bullshit!”

“But you do. I can show you how.” ‘Valora’ reached out a hand once more. “Let me help you, please.”

Marian took a step back. This was surely it, the moment where the ‘demon’ would show its true colours and sink her teeth into the human. Bethany’s words echoed in Marian’s ears: “_Never trust in anything you find from the Fade, only in yourself_.”

“I can’t trust you.” Marian shook her head. “The moment I let my guard down, you’ll … I don’t know what, but you’ll do it!”

Valora narrowed her gaze slightly, it wasn’t in anger or annoyance, more like she was struggling to overcome a vexing puzzle. It was such a human expression. The more Marian spent conversing with this ‘demon’, the less sure she was it was a demon after all. But what else could it be? Perhaps that was just part of its trick. Perhaps it was attempting to lure her in little by little. Valora took another step forward, ignoring the sword still hanging in front of her heart, and put her hands together out in front of her.

“Imagine my hands in chains.”

“What?”

“Please.” Valora pressed. “Imagine that I am bound by chains.”

“Why would I-”

“Please, just try.” Black eyes were forceful, but there was no malice there.

Marian couldn’t see the point of the request, nor could she see how it would benefit the ‘demon’. Keeping her distance, Marian lowered her blade a little and focussed her gaze on purple wrists. She imagined a pair of manacles, the kind she’d seen slapped on mages in the Gallows. The kind she feared would find their way onto Bethany’s wrists. Marian blinked. The very same manacles had appeared on Valora’s wrists.

“How?” Marian murmured.

“I told you, this is your reality to shape.” Valora did not seem at all concerned about her shackles. The ‘demon’ lifted her arms curiously and tested the restraints, pulling on them. The metal clanked so physically, they had to be real. “You imagined these into being, so here they are.”

“I don’t understand.” Marian dragged a hand through her hair roughly. She wished Bethany was here with her.

“It’s alright.” Valora soothed softly. “I can help.”

This time, Marian didn’t flinch back from the ‘demon’s touch when Valora reached up with her bound hands and caressed the human’s cheek.

Marian sighed. “Alright.” She murmured quietly. “Help me, please.”

Valora smiled, warm and true, an expression that seemed both alien and befitting of her delicate purple features. She removed her purple hand from Marian’s cheek and curled her fingers around the human’s. Without a word, the ‘demon’ led the Champion through the hall of this alien castle.

“Where are we going?” Marian asked as she let herself be pulled along in Valora’s wake.

“You wish to leave this place. So, you need to go through a door.”

Marian half chuckled, half sighed in exasperation. “Yeah, but where? How?”

Valora stopped walking just before the great wooden doors. The purple skinned ‘demon’ cocked her head at the human. Somehow, there was a glint of something in those pure black eyes. Was that amusement, of the human’s ignorance of the Fade? Perhaps Marian shouldn’t be surprised. Maybe it was like her finding another human who didn’t know how to eat dessert or tuck themselves into bed or something.

“Here.” Valora gestured to the doors with her hands, still bound by manacles.

“Here?” Marian raised an eyebrow dubiously.

“Yes.” Valora nodded. She walked up to the door and pushed it open. A set of stairs lay beyond that descended to a courtyard. A gatehouse stood empty and open, heralding a road that lead off into the far distance. The soft sounds of nature and birds wafted in like a warm breeze. It was beautiful, but it was not the home she knew.

“A door can lead to many places.” Valora pulled the door shut again, the heavy wooden beams closed with a heavy thud. All noise from beyond was cut off. “You merely need to know where you mean to go.”

“I don’t understand.”

Valora walked back up to Marian, taking the human’s hand in both of hers. Her face was so difficult to read, yet she gave the impression of a teacher, patiently trying to explain a simple idea to an idiot child. “Imagine the land outside as … as a snowy tundra, a blizzard of frost.”

“How will that help?”

“Please, just try.” Valora asked, her eyes imploring. “Please trust me.”

Marian sighed, but duly closed her eyes. She thought of one bitter winter that had hit Lothering when she was a child. Her family had shivered together for scant warmth in the torrid cold. When the storm had eased up, Marian, Bethany and Carver had run outside into the white canvas and played and laughed and fought the most epic of snowball battles. Marian felt a fond smile touch her lips.

“That’s it.” Valora murmured softly, close at hand. A comforting hand gripped Marian’s arm. “Just like that. Now, open your eyes.”

Marian opened her eyes.

Valora stood by the door once more. The ‘demon’ pushed, unveiling a white wonderland beyond. Marian shivered as a frigid gust of wind swept in. The gatehouse that had stood before was gone, replaced by a snow blanketed field, spreading out as far as the eye could see.

“How?” Marian breathed out through teeth that chattered already.

“Like I said, this is your place to control.” Valora smiled. “Your will shapes this place.”

Marian nodded but she wasn’t sure she understood any more than she had earlier. She felt as if she had only more questions. “Alright. So I can just … _think_ my way home?”

“Yes, but it will require more of you.” Valora looked back out at the blizzard. “This is but a memory, it is a reflection of your experience. To return to your world, you will need more focus, much more.”

Marian felt a smirk grace her lips for the first time. “Good thing that I’m pretty handy at achieving the impossible.”

Valora didn’t laugh or chuckle. She merely shut the door once more, cutting off the blizzard as if it had never even been there. The ‘demon’ padded back over to Marian.

“Picture your goal, picture where you want to go.” Valora whispered, her very presence so alien and yet so strangely comforting. “See it in your mind. Hear it, smell it, _feel_ it.”

Marian closed her eyes once more and focussed on the sound of the hustling streets as workers wandered to and from the Hanged Man, as men and women talked and laughed and argued. She focused on Gamlen’s small home in Lowtown. She focussed on the slight damp smell that permeated the place. She focussed on the smell of her mother’s cooking. She focussed on the sound of her mother and uncle arguing. She focused on the rough feeling of the threadbare sheets on her bed. She focussed on Bethany’s smile. She focussed on the comforting warmth of her mother as they hugged. She focussed on home.

“Now, open your eyes.” Valora murmured.

Marian opened her eyes.

Instead of a door of wood, a familiar plane of sheer whiteness stood before her. Like the door Valora had opened for her the last time. Somehow, Marian knew that it would lead her home. She let out a ragged breath of relief.

“It worked.” Marian murmured with a ghost of a chuckle. She approached the door cautiously, as if any sudden movement would scare the portal out of existence. Marian looked back at Valora almost warily. The ‘demon’ merely stood there still, watching Marin with those strange, all-black eyes. It was difficult to read the purple skinned woman’s expression. Was she upset, angry, relieved? Marian didn’t have a clue.

Marian’s eyes drifted down to the ‘demon’s hands. They were still bound by the manacles Marian had summoned. Valora had made no attempt to break free. Maybe she couldn’t? No, Marian didn’t believe that. Perhaps she was simply keeping herself in those binds to put the human at ease. With a sigh, Marian closed her eyes. When she opened them again a moment later, Valora was looking down at her hands, slowly rubbing her wrists where the metal bonds had stood a mere moment before.

Valora slowly lifted her alien gaze to meet Marian’s. Dark purple lips turned up into a small, genuine smile.

Marian found herself returning the expression. Then, she turned back to the portal, and returned home.

xxx

Marian woke with a start. She threw her head about, searching for an impossible keep. There was nothing but the darkness of her room. It was still late at night or early morning. It was so quiet, she could hear the quiet, steady breathing of Bethany sleeping on the other cot in the room.

Marian rubbed at her face with a sigh. She turned onto her side, trying to find a more comfortable position. Her mind worked over and over, uninterested in sleep or rest. The face of a strange being from beyond the Fade occupied her every thought. Marian didn’t return to sleep that night.

She wasn’t sure if that was a blessing or not.

xxx

“Bethany?” Marian poked her head around the doorframe of her room, spotting her sister sat yawning at the breakfast table.

“Hmm? What?” The younger Hawke rubbed at her eyes lazily before taking a hearty bite out of some toast. Marian threw her head about, seemingly making sure they were alone.

“I was just wondering,” The warrior padded over to the table and took a seat opposite the mage, “What could you tell me about demons?”

“Demons? Why do you want to know about demons?”

“And spirits, and other … ‘fadey’ things I guess.”

Bethany levelled a suspicious eye at her sister over her toast. “This isn’t for another quest is it, sister? The gold can’t be worth dealing with demons surely.”

“No, no, no, nothing like that. I was just curious, like, what do you know about their … nature I guess, how they act, how they behave with humans and … stuff.”

“I’m not exactly an expert you know.” Bethany hoping her sister would drop the subject, it was far too early in the morning for delivering lectures.

“Yeah, but I know Father taught you everything he knows, and you’re always reading …”

“Fiction, Mari, stories.”

“Still though, I’d like to know.” Marian gave her sister a wide sunny smile.

A long pause. Bethany sighed wearily. “Well … spirits and demons all act differently to each other. It’s usually dependent on their ‘type’ or ‘breed’, however you want to call it. They’re all the embodiment of some idea or concept: Hope, Compassion, Faith, Love. Each is like the walking embodiment of their own name. In fact, the whole of the Fade is built on ideas like that. So, with spirits you can typically judge how they will act based on name alone. Healer mages often call upon spirits of Compassion to aid their healing for example. I’ve heard stories of Love spirits watching over young lovers.”

“But what about demons?”

“Demons are rather similar really, hence the names. But where demons differ, is that they are all, well, _sinful_ traits: Rage, Hunger, Pride, Desire, you get the idea. While spirits will either help you or ignore you, demons will attempt to trick you to gain control over you. Exactly how is based according to their nature again. Sloth demons might tempt you to sleep. Hungers will offer you a feast. Desire … well, I’m sure you can imagine. If they can’t get what they want through deception, they will attack.”

“Huh,” Marian’s brow furrowed, “So demon’s and spirits, they’re always just … one track minds? I mean, they don’t have personalities, feelings or goals other than what their name means?”

The mage shrugged. “Who can say? Not that I’ve ever seen or heard about. But like I say, I’m hardly an expert on the subject.”

“What about … have you ever heard of spirits or demons of loneliness or desperation or something like that?”

“No, not that I’ve ever heard of, but Maker only knows how many different spirits live in the Fade. It’s possible there’s a spirit for every kind of personality concept you can imagine.” Bethany leaned back in her chair in thought. “It’s just the most powerful ones that we really know anything about, the ones that have the most success in tempting us mortals to their side.”

“But do you think … do you think it could be possible for a spirit, or demon, to change their nature, their name even?” Marian broached the question quietly.

Bethany inhaled deeply, rubbing her eyes again. “Possibly? You’d be better off asking at the Circle. Father mostly taught me how to keep myself safe, he didn’t give me a full rundown of demon/spirit history.” The younger Hawke eyed her sister dubiously. “You’re sure this isn’t for some stupid quest, Mari? We really don’t need the money _that_ much.”

“Of course not.” Marian swore, offering her sister a warm smile. “I was just reading this book Anders gave me, it just got me thinking is all.”

Bethany kept her stare on Marian for a long moment before relenting.

“Alright.” Bethan stood to leave. Then she turned back to her sister. “One thing Father taught me: Above all else, never trust in anything you find from the Fade, only in yourself.” With that, Bethany patted a hand softly on Marian’s shoulder then wandered off to her room.

Marian sat there, head resting in the crux of her hands for a while, quiet in thought.


End file.
